50 Terrible, Quick Jokes That’ll Get You A Laugh On Demand September 17, 2013
As many of you know, corny jokes that have terrible puns and/or cringe-worthy punchlines some of my favorite things. For example, my Twitter is basically a résumé of the pathetic attempts at humor that people who interact with me daily have to deal with. Here are a couple examples of my bold swings at being funny:
I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either.
— Christopher Hudspeth (@CEHudspeth) August 20, 2013
Looking back, Kel’s orange soda fetish is kind of weird. Wonder what his FANTAsies were?
— Christopher Hudspeth (@CEHudspeth) August 28, 2013
Those nuggets of gold didn’t come out of nowhere, y’all. I love a good joke, especially one that can actually be shared with people when it’s laughs that they seek. The last thing you want is some to say “Tell me a joke,” or to be in a room full of funny…
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1. You drop it down low in Zumba class and you have a really, really ridiculously hard time getting back up.
2. You’re out with your girls and you notice an attractive guy in the distance. The very first comment made is no longer about whether or not he has a nice tush or a captivating smile, but whether or not he has a ring on his finger.
3. When you say the words, “I love you,” or “I’m sorry,” or “Goodbye,” you say them as gigantic bulging butterflies swarm the lining of your delicate stomach. You’re aware that these words carry tremendous weight, just like you’re aware that these words have an expiration date.
4. Crappy fast food actually starts to taste crappy.
5. It’s no longer a two-drink minimum for you. It’s a two-drink maximum, or else you’ll be snoozing on top of the marble slab bar before midnight.
6. You put that sexy short leopard print dress back on…
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Why hasn’t my iphone $ shattered to pieces yet? September 16, 2013
This is so weird, but after having my iphone 4 for almost 2 years, it is STILL in perfect condition. That’s right, not a single scratch on the screen or on the back glass part of it. Perhaps a couple of scuffs on the corners because, let’s be real, I HAVE dropped it a few times. Here’s the thing though, the many times I have dropped it, it’s been nice and hard. So hard, that when it hits the ground even the people around me are audibly heard saying things like “Ouch” or “ooooooo, there that goes” and the “OH NO!” after a while I stopped saying these things in unison with the crowd because in my head, in just a milli-second, I’ve already adjusted to the fact that when I pick it up it will probably be shattered, and well.. that’s ok, nothing I can do about it at that point. Ok, so here’s the even WEIRDER part, I carry my iphone with out a case.. yep.. I’m the dare devil with the naked iphone, and yet, even after all those falls and clumsy accidents.. not a single scratch on my phone! are you kidding me? it almost makes me laugh, and it almost makes me wish that something did happen to it so that when that time came I can say “finally!”
I know exactly what you’re thinking. I know you think I’m psycho for even wanting something to happen to my beautiful white iphone. That’s false though, it’s not that I WANT something to happen to my phone…. I just find it incredibly freakin weird that absolutely nothing has damaged to it (knocks on wood). Like, seriously, what is this thing, indestructible? do I happen to own the superman version of the iphone? did I get lucky with this ONE version of the phone? lol. Ok, now I’m being silly. For reals though, break already! Do you know how many times it’s fallen out of my purse, slipped out of my pocket, and gone through my shirt when I decide to carry it in my bra (yes, some of us women like to do that).
I know, I know, this whole topic is foolish. But I felt inclined to write about it because I dropped my phone on concrete today, and as it fell on to the hard concrete, I winced, and said to myself, “oh, I’m sure this time it finally shattered.” I pick it up, AND STILL NOTHING. hahahahaha. It really makes me laugh though because I think secretly I do want it to shatter as I wishfully hope for an excuse to upgrade to the new, and sexy, black Iphone 5s.
I feel like I’m in a committed/stuck relationship with my clingy, white, iphone 4. Get over yourself, 4, I want to move on from you. I know you’re perfect.. but I want the new and improved.
I crack myself up….but not my phone. HA, see what I did there?
I guess I’m just really really really lucky. Something many people wish they had with THEIR precious, but now shattered, and expensive, Iphone. *Shrugs* C’est la vie.
6 Stereotypical Songs To Soundtrack Your Skateboarding September 10, 2013
The XX is my only excuse.
1. When you’re skating towards something new.
Intro – The XX
This is an excellent song for when you’re about to go on an adventure, and do something that you’ve never done before. Ideally, you’ll be riding up a slope for the first 22 seconds. When the bass drum hits, stop for a breather and feel the blood pumping to your fingertips. Take your first two pushes on the beats at 00:35 and 00:37, and then ride across the footpath from side to side because who knows where the fuck you’re going or what the fuck is going to happen.
2. When you’re skating down a hill.
Juicy – Notorious B.I.G
With any luck, this song will come on without you expecting it too. You would have just come to the apex of the hill, and began the run top the bottom when out of nowhere, Yeah, this album is…
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Is This The Most Heartbreaking Poem You’ve Ever Heard? August 12, 2013
This is heart-wrenching. Performance well done, words spoken very well.
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