This is heart-wrenching. Performance well done, words spoken very well.
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This is heart-wrenching. Performance well done, words spoken very well.
wow… I should have seen the signs. Making eternal metal notes and keeping in my memory file cabinet *inserted*
1. You have no idea what he saw in any of his exes. None of them are very nice, or the kind of person you’d want to hang out with.
2. The things he always says that he likes in you have to do with superficial things — your looks, your style, your social status, etc.
3. He is really concerned with appearances, and what other people think of him, to the point where you’re not sure if he’s doing something for himself or for how impressed other people are going to be.
4. When the two of you are alone together, he’s constantly checking his phone.
5. You are never fully comfortable being naked around him, because there’s a part of you that always feels like you’re not attractive or thin enough.
6. He’s made weird comments about your body before that make you never even want to be…
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Little by little, slowly but surely, I am definitely on my way to bigger and better things. Lately I’ve been really into taking risks and being in control of my emotions. Mostly because I was so damn tired of feeling so sad and…..empty. But that’s just it, this feeling of anticipating something great, is what I should be rejoicing in. Here’s why…
I’ve been taking a much closer look into my surroundings. The people I work with, people I Interact with on a daily basis, family, friends, old friends, exes….. all the 9 yards. I noticed that they all had something to complain about. Something very concrete and physical. So, as I stood there listening to all their bitching and complaining, I could hear my own voice in my head say, “THANK GOD, I’m not the one having to go through that.. fuck emotions.” so then It dawned on me; a lot of these bitter emotions were coming from relationships and intense devotion towards another individual.. and THAT’S when it started to make sense to me. Suddenly I was seeing things In totally different light.
this is the time, right here right now, to enjoy the time to be alone. To have NO ONE to respond to, to go ahead and doll myself up from head to toe and go to the club or, cafe, bar, restaurant, and treat myself. I can be flirtatious, give handsome men my number, go on dates, and just put myself out there with out a single care in the world, I can feel beautiful again with out someone to bring me down. I don’t have anyone to criticize my absurd 23 yr old ideas and decisions on MY daily life. I can look and feel however the fuck I want with out it affecting anyone (because it sure as hell shouldn’t. It’s my body, my life, my ideals, my image, my decisions.. it’s JUST MINE and no one else’s. It does not mean I am lonely…. because I’m not. I refuse to have that word in my vocabulary any longer. I am in control of how I decide to make myself feel. Of course, I’m going to feel lonely, but only if I start to look back and remember “those times” and it’s ok to do that every once in a while, and remind myself of how things made me feel. how is that going to do me any good now, though? I realized, I need to stop living in the past! let it go and make new memories. THIS IS ALL FOR ME. Just me. That’s it and no one else.
So I need to enjoy it! because, the day I decide to share the rest of my life with a life partner, this beautiful thing I have going for me at the moment will all be gone. Sure, it’s going to be nice to share it with the right one.. and it will be a beautiful. But that time will come, and it will come on it’s own time.
For now, I will do whatever it takes to enjoy myself and my time alone. The time to feel liberated, beautiful, flirtatious, silly, goofy.. whatever it is that makes me, me. To not have to respond to someone else… feels so damn good.
Every single one of these. yes. I have done all of them.
1. You get to make a list of all the things you want to do and move through them one by one without ever having to stop and ask another person if they are okay with doing it.
2. You get to experience the exquisite company that is taking a good book to a dinner out by yourself, getting so lost in the precious solitude that you begin to forget the world exists at all.
3. You start learning all the different kinds of quiet there can be, and how important they all are to the growth of the soul.
4. You can move to a whole new place and start completely fresh, giving yourself the ultimate challenge of learning how to develop and create a new safety net with no one else to depend on.
5. When people recoil at the idea of being alone for various events, you…
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This absolutely hilarious, beautiful, and SO DAMN TRUE. ❤
1. Laugh constantly. Laugh freely. Laugh at every moment in your life. Laugh when it is appropriate. Laugh when it isn’t. Laugh when it fucking hurts like hell. Laugh when the happiness escaping your throat is as smooth as a whiskey seven. If you cannot laugh when you’re beat down. When you are hurt. When you are two seconds away from inhaling a pain that will drown you, you will never survive.
2. Orgasms are by far, hands down, the best thing for your complexion. Don’t waste money on some ridiculously overpriced face wash. Lancome is a lie. So is Cover Girl. Instead, put your fingers to work. Go pay the thirty or fifty bucks for a bunny that’s guaranteed to get you off. Become comfortable enough with an individual to sleep with them on a daily basis. Just cum consistently and your pores will thank you.
3. A cob…
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Funny how fast time flies and how much things change in such a small amount of time. I remember last year I was dreading the month of august. Hating every day that went by because I was about to face a long, dreaded goodbye, AND the beginning/the end of my college career. Thinking about it, brings a tear to my eye…. because it pains me to have to remember myself being in such a sad, vulnerable state. I was lost, in love, and confused. I had different, much bigger… outlandish plans set for myself. Looking back I wish I could tell myself, “if you only you knew, that none of those plans would work. You’re wasting your time.” Sigh*
now, I’m grateful for all that change, change that will only serve for the better. What mattered to me back then, only brought pain and misery to my life. Who’s to say I still don’t feel miserable? but I’m not unhappy. I’m happy I am rid of the negativity that surrounded me and made me lose complete sight of the beautiful being I really am. It’s gone now. The mean, manipulative entity is gone.
It’s time to change, and it’s time to move on. As I lay myself down to sleep, in my own cold bed, all I can do is ponder and ponder until I shut my eyes and wake up the next morning. Yes, I’m still lost, and confused, but I least I know where I stand, I have clearer and better understanding of who I am, what I stand for, what I want, what I don’t want, and WHO I do and don’t want in my life. I’m moving forward, and this time I’m ok with time passing. Why? because within time, good things will come to me. Patience is a virtue, but it’s key, and I’m being patient. And, only time can heal a broken heart…… and guess what.
Slowly, but surely… I’m getting there.