How do I start this with out sounding pathetic? Starting one of these is always the hardest part, but I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now. Well! here goes nothing…
a week ago, my boyfriend of 9 months, and I, broke up. There. it’s out there, I said it, and now I’m blogging about it…but here’s why. This breakup has probably been the most painful experience I’ve had to experience in my young life. Words cannot even express how broken up I am inside about this. He was who I thought was going to be my future husband, and possibly the father of my children…I loved him that much. We talked future plans, and even procedeed on to executing these plans of moving away together. It’s amazing how much you can fall for a person, in just 9 months. Those 9 months were life-changing, and I mean that in a good way and a bad way. A lot of stuff can happen in 9 months… if you think about, it’s how most of us are even living on this earth. So, 9 months can seem like nothing at first, but when you really think about it, it can REALLY change your life forever, and this is exactly what this relationship did to me.
Ok, moving forward to the here, and the now. We do not talk, I’m broken, we tried the ‘friends’ thing but I could not do it. I still love him very much, but he wasn’t right for me. This breakup, unfortunately, needed to happen. It became very unhealthy, and I didn’t recognize my own morals anymore. It was really damaging my well-being, the beautiful person I used to be. So in the next few days, weeks, maybe months, I will be writing about my healing process. The next few entries will be steps taken in the right direction towards the healing process. I want so desperately to heal. Why do I need to publish it? well, I guess I don’t have to, but wouldn’t it be nice if this helped someone avoid the pain I am feeling now?
I will not cry anymore. I will most definitely not back down from gaining my confidence back. I want to record my progress because someone suggested that writing about it would help me, and sure it enough it does. Just by writing this, suddenly I feel an overwhelming sense of relief in my chest. As some of you may already know, writing can help de-stress immensely.
So no, this is not a pitty party. I don’t need that, I’m over that phase. I WANT to better myself.
THIS, right here, is my healing process.